Pinoys got crabs.
Crab mentality that is.
I feel blessed to have friends who genuinely wish me well, are sincerely happy for my triumphs, and are there to comfort me at my downfall. There are things about myself that I’m not very proud of, and my flaws I’m quite sure can put Mt. Everest to shame. But if there is one thing I can say I know in my heart is true, it would be that I have good friends because I AM a good friend. Okay, so maybe I’m stingy and I won’t let you get away from that 50bucks you owe me last Tuesday, BUT I will however stay up ‘til wee hours (or days) to ease your broken heart and tell you you’re pretty even when your mascara runs, and I will never tell a soul about that one night you made out with your cousin. I feel bad for good people (like me) who gets used, put down, or stabbed in the back by these envy parasites who are so insecure and unhappy with their lives (therefore could not be happy for others), that I decided to put this out and equip my good friends (that’s you) on how to spot a crab dead on.
Crab bite is a real itch.
If you can’t be happy for your friends’ success or hot boyfriend, honey, you’re a crab. (Go to the palengke where you belong). In a place where people strive to make their dreams happen, struggle to attain their goals, where everyone hopes to make it on their own, competition is fierce… and chances of finding a real Filipino friend in a foreign land is as slim as your virginia cigarettes.
Here are 24 things I learned at 24:
1. If a friend can’t give you 1 decent compliment, yet can criticize you well. Run.
2. Once you hear a friend apparently said foul things about you, don’t say anything back. Confront.
3. Now, this is a tricky thing- If your friend denies, here’s where your gutt feel should come in. If she admits and apologizes, forgive.
4. The second time it happens. Ditch and learn. (now chant with me: crab, crab, crab, crab. crab..”)
5. Pick your battles wisely. Some issues that are too petty, shallow and cheap are meant to be laughed at.
6. Pick your friends wisely. Some friends that are too petty, shallow and cheap… are petty, shallow and cheap people. Leave them alone. (Refer to no.7)
7. “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who are”… there’s a pretty valid reason why this saying never dies.
8. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”… is something a crab with a PHD would say.
9. Just because she can’t keep a secret, doesn’t mean she’s a crab. Some people just can’t. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want the nation to know.
10. A self-centered, attention-hog friend is NOT a crab. This is more of a personality disorder that can be tamed.
11. “Good-weather-friends” can be good friends. “Bad-weather-friends” (a.k.a friends who cry with you, knows your deepest darkest secrets and listens to your disillusionment) CAN BE crabs.
12. You should know the difference between Jealousy and Envy.
13. If you don’t. Go get a dictionary.
14. Being envious when a friend tells you good news about herself MAKES you a crab. (Don’t worry, there are ways to un-crab you, if you’re willing to change, but that’ll be a whole other post on its own.)
15. Being jealous of your friends 25-inch waist line does NOT make you a crab. (Who doesn’t want a 25-inch waist??)
16. Crabs will give you false compliments. To keep you looking ugly.
17. Crabs can cause you to hate your boyfriend. Misery loves company.
18. Crabs will never set you up on a date with her hot guy friend.
19. Crabs will not give you referrals of any sort. They like to keep good things to themselves.
20. Crabs don’t know what discretion means. They will say anything to make them selves look good. (Or just better than you)
21. Some things are to be forgiven. Sleeping with your friend’s boyfriend is not one of them.
22. Sleeping with your friends’ ex/fling/date/brother, does NOT make you a crab. It makes you a slut.
23. Talking about your friend who slept with your ex/fling/date/brother, MAKES you a crab. (Get it?)
24. In Manila: Out of every 4 girlfriends, one of them is a crab. In Dubai: Out of every 4 girlfriends, only one of them is NOT a crab.
I feel blessed to have friends who genuinely wish me well, are sincerely happy for my triumphs, and are there to comfort me at my downfall. There are things about myself that I’m not very proud of, and my flaws I’m quite sure can put Mt. Everest to shame. But if there is one thing I can say I know in my heart is true, it would be that I have good friends because I AM a good friend. Okay, so maybe I’m stingy and I won’t let you get away from that 50bucks you owe me last Tuesday, BUT I will however stay up ‘til wee hours (or days) to ease your broken heart and tell you you’re pretty even when your mascara runs, and I will never tell a soul about that one night you made out with your cousin. I feel bad for good people (like me) who gets used, put down, or stabbed in the back by these envy parasites who are so insecure and unhappy with their lives (therefore could not be happy for others), that I decided to put this out and equip my good friends (that’s you) on how to spot a crab dead on.
Crab bite is a real itch.
If you can’t be happy for your friends’ success or hot boyfriend, honey, you’re a crab. (Go to the palengke where you belong). In a place where people strive to make their dreams happen, struggle to attain their goals, where everyone hopes to make it on their own, competition is fierce… and chances of finding a real Filipino friend in a foreign land is as slim as your virginia cigarettes.
Here are 24 things I learned at 24:
1. If a friend can’t give you 1 decent compliment, yet can criticize you well. Run.
2. Once you hear a friend apparently said foul things about you, don’t say anything back. Confront.
3. Now, this is a tricky thing- If your friend denies, here’s where your gutt feel should come in. If she admits and apologizes, forgive.
4. The second time it happens. Ditch and learn. (now chant with me: crab, crab, crab, crab. crab..”)
5. Pick your battles wisely. Some issues that are too petty, shallow and cheap are meant to be laughed at.
6. Pick your friends wisely. Some friends that are too petty, shallow and cheap… are petty, shallow and cheap people. Leave them alone. (Refer to no.7)
7. “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who are”… there’s a pretty valid reason why this saying never dies.
8. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer”… is something a crab with a PHD would say.
9. Just because she can’t keep a secret, doesn’t mean she’s a crab. Some people just can’t. Don’t tell her anything you don’t want the nation to know.
10. A self-centered, attention-hog friend is NOT a crab. This is more of a personality disorder that can be tamed.
11. “Good-weather-friends” can be good friends. “Bad-weather-friends” (a.k.a friends who cry with you, knows your deepest darkest secrets and listens to your disillusionment) CAN BE crabs.
12. You should know the difference between Jealousy and Envy.
13. If you don’t. Go get a dictionary.
14. Being envious when a friend tells you good news about herself MAKES you a crab. (Don’t worry, there are ways to un-crab you, if you’re willing to change, but that’ll be a whole other post on its own.)
15. Being jealous of your friends 25-inch waist line does NOT make you a crab. (Who doesn’t want a 25-inch waist??)
16. Crabs will give you false compliments. To keep you looking ugly.
17. Crabs can cause you to hate your boyfriend. Misery loves company.
18. Crabs will never set you up on a date with her hot guy friend.
19. Crabs will not give you referrals of any sort. They like to keep good things to themselves.
20. Crabs don’t know what discretion means. They will say anything to make them selves look good. (Or just better than you)
21. Some things are to be forgiven. Sleeping with your friend’s boyfriend is not one of them.
22. Sleeping with your friends’ ex/fling/date/brother, does NOT make you a crab. It makes you a slut.
23. Talking about your friend who slept with your ex/fling/date/brother, MAKES you a crab. (Get it?)
24. In Manila: Out of every 4 girlfriends, one of them is a crab. In Dubai: Out of every 4 girlfriends, only one of them is NOT a crab.
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