veronika & i.

"An awareness of death encourages us to live life more intensely"

the title's statement can be sited a few paragraphs til the conclusion of the inspiring novel Veronika Decides to Die...

It was a blessing this book fell into my hands with perfect synchronization of my needs. The end of the year (2004) was dawning and I was feeling awfully depressed. I have grown to love my field of work and the education which I had struggled and managed my time between for the past years. But to my dismay, I realized I was feeling extremely unfulfilled and dissatisfied. I felt terrified for it was unlikely of me to let melancholy dampen my spirit and tamper my inner drive. Just when I was in my lowest of lows; I saw Veronika Decides to Die, recommended to me by another avid reader. It caught my eye and the introduction got me hooked.

"Imagine a place where people pretend to be crazy in order to do exactly what they want" - Paulo Coelho referring to an insane asylum. "Why do people hate themselves? Cowardice, eternal fear of being wrong, of not doing what others expected". It all hit home so precisely.

That night I opened the book, I found it extremely difficult to separate myself from the pages-- I read halfway in a matter of hours. It sparked much coincidence for all I was experiencing at the given time.

My life was veronika's (although not up to that serious degree of damage)... it was all becoming a routine. I was just accepting the normal disarray of which nature was handing me situations, other than doing something about it. I realized how unhappy I had become... until finally I needed to break away. Quitting my job was the best decision I could have ever made, and with great pondering I knew my goals had changed. The education I attained to get to where I am now- my profession, and the nature of my job… it no longer gave me contentment. "Everyone dreams but not all are brave enough to realize their dream and to pursue it." I was forced to put aside my fear and realize my dream no longer gave me the fulfillment and excitement it once did. It was time to move on…

This novel encouraged me to shatter my fears of acknowledging why I was plummeting to such unhappiness. Fear? The fear of discovering what I had pursued and persevered once so fiercely about was no longer what I wanted.

But now, throwing caution to the wind, I’ll follow my heart and let my aspirations resurface. To live a life free of regrets, knowing that I did what I love to do- I’ll start here. My dream is to take on the path where my true passion lies. I should have done that everyday of my life, although we only really fully learn once a deadline is set. Silly human nature eh? to experience before the lesson is fully weighed into practice.

This may sound cliché but remains of value; cherish the simple things and remain true to yourself. Get to know what you want, and you’re lucky if you are pursuing your passion so breathe each persevering sweat to reach that goal.

"It’s the journey not the destination"